Bye, Bye Simpson

My last day in Simpson and what was I going to do...well go to church of course but...it was closed due to hockey playoffs (I assume). Hockey obviously supercedes God here because there was no music playing in that church (I guess I should have expected that because I had passed an Elder on the way and he seemed shocked that church was on). So what do I do? I walk around Rose Island and quietly worship in nature!!

I had one thing to do that day, pick up the returning facility supervisor...no problem there are only two roads out of Simpson that lead to the ferry drop off, how hard could that be. Yah should have remembered that I have the blonde roots working against me. Away I go down the road I have chosen (yes I was having a male moment, what ask for directions?), and I notice heavy machinery, oh well, I probably never noticed it since I was in the pasenger seat before. Now the road is getting a wee bit rougher, hmmm, not that many trees, where's the dump I'm supposed to pass? Ok I ended up at the gravel pit, it was scenic and now I am late for the pickup. I boot back to the pool, ask for directions find out its the other road and now I am ferry bound!

Pothole city! The normally fast driver that I am had taken a backseat (shocking isn't it) and I am driving slow and steady towards the ferry. Dirt roads suck! I have had too many cousins roll vans on dirt roads not to appreciate that the slower the better. And the truck I am driving belongs to the Band so before I start an international incident, I am going to drive like a Young Drivers wannabe. Guess what I saw? A porcupine! Hokey Dinah those suckers are big and fat! Cool to see but also dangerous if you are trying to drive around them without killing yourself (lol). Anyway my passenger was late, I was early, the porcupine visited us once more on the way back and have to say we survived. Blonde moments aside I have to say I'm gonna miss you Simpson!

Thank goodnesss for Whipping cream!

Why do things happen in threes? That is the question on my mind as I peruse the wreckage of what my evening has been. It had started out great, happy little swim, new CD to play and the potential of a fun group of people coming to aquafit. I should have known when the first person phoned in to say she was going ot Bingo instead that I was hooped!

In our pool is a lovely apparatus or area called the river, you get zoomed around an island at warp speed as jets propulse you along. The fun part (especially for teens and their raging hormones)is seeing how many girls or boys you can take down as you go by. Oops is that your bikini top...sorry did I grab you in the wrong spot...teeheehee . So you can imagine how much teenage hormonal warfare was going on even before the evening began.

It was turning out to be a WWF moment in the pool with me and another lifeguard constantly telling people to slow down (Selective listening was a curse affecting everyone). When out of nowhere gues what happened, I now have a teen with a gash in his head and another holding a bruised wrist, a lifeguard looking murder and another pretending she isn't there.

So what happened?

"Oh my brother was holding him down in a head lock and I went to nerple him and he punched me" ( I have to admit I was siding with the other guy, nobody likes to get nerpled).

Softly behind me I hear " Sorry Kyle". Anyway so now I am dealing with a child who is bleeding and in need of stitiches and I hear "KIM!"

"There is poo in the pool!" SWEET! And do you think my lifeguard is doing anything, nope she's talking to other patrons about the problem. Nice work team! So between stitches boy and trying to clean up the pool, more children are coming over to help and offer advice.

"You missed a spot lifeguard" (one child wouldn't be missed if they disappeared down the drain would they? It could be a drive by curb stomp...be nice Kim its not their fault). Now to make matters even better the mother of one of the boys has arrived to have a scolding fit on both her sons and the poor kid who was being strangled. which way do I go? I figure the murder of two sons is worth stopping before taking fecal matter from the pool but it was a close call.

But hey in the end alls well that ends well, the swim ended, the pool was cleaned, no boys were murdered and I know I have a huge piece of pie at home that I can take all my frustrations out on. Thank goodness for whipping cream!!

What you can learn at church

Easter sunday and the scene is set for a beautiful day and an easter breakfast at the church. All week long I had been telling all the ladies at the church that I would be there at 6am to help set up and help cook (ok probably more likely to provide entertainment for the cooks there). Yet on the day where am I, in bed of course becuase my alarm did not go off (how dependable am I..sigh). So I whipped out of bed flew to the church (as much as a band truck can fly) and became the food ladler and dishwasher cleaner.

We had more than half the town come for eggs, bacon, hashbrowns and slightly burned pancakes (OOPS...no I did not have anything to do with that). I feel sorry for all the pigs in the world as I swear that half of them were eaten that morning and there are more than a few chickens crying over lost eggs. From 8-11:00 people were eating and then we had church. 20 kids were baptized that morning and the church has never been so full.

After while I was dishwashing I learned the words for crazy, butterfly and stop (yah they were all aimed at me but in good taste). Talk about a laughfest!!! All this talking led to other stories. Let me share the bestone.

At one time one of the elders used to run a taxi and during one night a drunken passenger left a mickey of whiskey in the car. Well the next time he picked up a passenger, they had missed a chance to get some alcohol and so he sold them the mickey. Voila new business! Well after that he never left home without one. Hmmmm...now I know what I can do if the pool thing does not work out and I decide to move to Port Simpson. So I have to say that along with the laughs and good fellowship you never know what you will learn in church.

Happy easter everyone!

Today is Good Friday and Port Simpson is celebrating by having snow fall. Beautiful but cold. As I sit indoors I am really struck by how great a place we live in and how lucky we all are. Yup I am definately sappy today! I want to wish everyone a Happy easter and to say thanks to my heavenly Father for the massive sacrifice he made for us so we can enjoy a day like today in remembrance as well as joy, knowing that even as beautiful as today is our place with God will be even more spectacular because of His son's sacrifice. May the peace of the day fill you and the joy of family sustain you! HAPPY EASTER!

Looney Auction

Yesterday I experienced a most serious event. It was filled with people, loud voices and serious competition. Chocolate, bunny rabbits, hockey sticks, quilts, pies and cupcakes were involved. People came with serious money and wants. What was this event you ask? A....LOONEY Auction!

What a hoot! You may think..oh its only a looney what can happen...LOTS! The competition was fierce and let me tell you, every grandma in the village was there so imagine the fierceness of this event (you take your life into your own hands). If you have never been to one of these events let me explain how it goes, an item is put up for bid, if you want to bid you raise your hand and wait until the auctioneer sees you and gives you a number. This number goes into a bucket and when all bidding stops, a number is picked out of all who bid from the bucket and that person gets the prize. Keep in mind you can bid more than once and put in multiple bids at once to increase your chances (poker people watch out the looney auctions in town). To make it more fun kids stand around your table with a bucket so you can throw your money into them.

Lucky for me I was sat beside a real pro, Tilly (I was geting nevous just trying to get the gist of everything) but good old Tilly took me by the hand and helped me peruse items, told me to hold onto my money (she definately is a grandma and super cute too!) and gave me the advice to wait for the end numbers or middle before bidding to increase my chances. All I can say is do not forget your number because you may not get your prize (pen and paper definately needed especially if you do not look SMRT like me, I think Tilly was a little worried about me because she kept checking to make sure I wrote things down) The pressure was on!

If you don't think a looney auction can raise money you have never seen one at Port Simpson. Stuffed bunny rabbits were raising 139 dollars as people kept throwing in their loonies to increase their winning chances (sigh.. I really wanted the black one but it was not to be). In between all this fun we also got to play BINGO! Yay!

I did not win anything but the night was just worth while to see and experience. If you wonder where all your loonies have gone I can guarantee they are being all held in a secret vault in Simpson as they are having one of these events almost every other week!

I'll think about it!

Last night I learned something new. I was having a conversation with one of my staff about hours and the long weekend. Did you know that when a person says "I'll think about it" that thay mean NO. I have to say that I did not know this.

Here I was trying to get work done when said staff person started to have a tiny breakdown in the staff room.

"How could she do this?" Growl, whine, grunt!

"what is the problem _______?" (I won't give names to protect the innocent0

"I am working on Monday and Nobody works on easter Monday!"

"Last I heard, you wanted to work on Monday"

"No I said I would think about it! Everybody from around here knows that means NO!"

Hmmmmm...Last I checked that meant, I'll think about it and possibly will do said shift...is there a some new translation out there that I am unaware of?

"Uh ________, since I am someone that does not come from around here and I have to say if you said this to me, I would assume you may want the shift and would put you on the schedule. Next time you do not want a shift just say NO so nobody assumes the opposite"

Not something he wanted to hear! Actually I physically could see the mountain of indignation, whine and the look of don't be so logical grow in front of me (didn't really know someone could puff out that much). Hated to pop his bubble (didn't know if the pool structure could take it) but I did, he survived, the shift would get covered and one person learned that mountains of indignation could not intimidate logic (can't believe that I was the logical person...look mom I'm all grown up...sort of) and we all were able to go home satisfied.

So for all you people who assume that "I'll think about it" means "No!" Please get a little more honest and actually let us poor supervisor idiots know by just saying NO instead of "I'll think about it". World peace is such a little thing.

The Big City!

Friday was a big day, I got to go to Rupert! As adventures go this one started out just as a necessary trip into town to make a bank deposit adn to buy groceries. To do this the first thing you have to do is be ready to leave at 7:45am to catch the ferry. We (my housemate and I) have access to the band's truck so life was going to be good. Unfortunately I was unaware that half the town may end up in the cab with us. Heather is the nicest girl around so we ended up picking up two elders to go to the ferry with us, I on the other hand just wanted to leave Simpson without alot of extra people because this was going to be the one day get away (ya I'm pretty selfish at times but I manged to muster up some compassion) and so our merry party was away.

I have to say that travelling with two older ladies who know everything that is happening in town can be very educational (if you have any idea who they are talking about) and so the trip was spinning by along with the stories. After waiting 20 minuted for the ferry to arrive, we boarded and began the 1.5 hour ride into town (remember we are paying $21 for this ride). Needless to say it was long yet by 9:30 we were in town and I could feel the shopping juices flowing.

My perspective of big city life has certainly changed as the idea of a town holding a Save on Foods and Zellers gets my blood pumping. Yahoo we had hit the big time! Tim hortons was a stop, the mall (it consists of ten stores) was a stop (this was where we and the older ladies parted company) and the dollar store was a stop. I can not tell you how excited I was to eat sushi that day. But like any fun day the time was speeding by fast. We made our bank deposit, visited Zellers (I got a little DVD crazy but hey I needed entertainment), got supplies for the pool and then we hit the dollar store. OOPS it took a little longer than we thought.

At 4:07pm we still had not gone to the grocery store (one of the main reasons fo the trip) but I found out then that the ferry left at 4:15pm. We had not picked up the extra passengers yet and we needed to get money for the trip back. Speeding to the mall we found out that they had already left for the ferry (very smart of them) and as we zoomed down the road I heard my partner in crime say...

"We don't have enough gas!"

"What?!"

"Well we do have enough gas to get on the ferry and possibly off, but no enough to get back to town" And just for everyones education cell phones do not work in Simpson so we would be just stuck at the ferry landing (which only has a lovely little wooden shack to its name, not too cosy)

Now we are at the ferry begging people for gas (yes we are not above begging) as the ferry person is asking "in or out ladies?". OK we chose to stay (phew I thought, at least I can get groceries because I would never hear the end of it if my room mate saw me come in without anything..sigh).

Welcome to Rupert ladies! We were staying the night. Phoned the two people we had let down on the ferry, one of whom was not too happy (EEK she controls all traffic in or out on ferry or sea plane, will I ever be able to leave?....) and the other who is convinced we planned this (not likely but we could only say sorry!).

For a mistake it turned out to be a great night at a bed and breakfast in a queen size bed!!! Yay! A night of having two martinis (yay!) and just being totally alone staring out at the sea outside my window (no I am not becoming one of those lonely people who only talk to cats I just needed one night away from town to re-coup). We may have missd the boat but the reward was so worth it.

Butterfly

Imagine a place between Rupert and Alaska, filled with a population of ravens, eagles, wolves, killer whales and...........butterflies? Did you know that we, the outsiders of the tribe, are called butterflies? (well I guess that's a nicer name than some of the others I've heard). I'm sure you can imagine our dance and if not, go play shadow puppets and try to make a butterfly (it will all become clear, just don't forget to move around and chant as well). To celebrate my butterflyness, I bought a butterfly crest coffee cup (it's a beauty).

Feeling strong in my butterfly status I decided that I was going to use that strength to its advantage, which goes to show pride can be a useful thing but two days ago it was just plain stupidity. Upstairs in the leisure center, near the fitness center, was a variety of things in the hallway that needed to find their way downstairs. These items included two table trolleys, a ping pong table, a desk, a filing cabinet and a few chairs. I figured I could move all these items down a hall around a corner and down two flights of stairs to the lower multi purpose room. Now have I told you I am the most stubborn individual around so let the adventure begin.

The two trolleys were awesome, they rolled down the hall like a dream (Ok the corner was tricky but hey we reached the stairs no problem) and once picked up they almost floated down the stairs (as much as a tall individual like me can float- no laughing people who know me, I can float!). The desk was in pieces and I decided to just shove that item into another office upstairs (I figured the stairs would be too hazardous). Now between opening doors with my feet and dragging things the sweat was beginning to pour (trust me it definately was as attractive as it sounds) and I was beginning to feel sorry for myself.

Why you ask? Well no one was helping me! Did I ask for help? NOOOOO I thought I could do it by myself. As you can tell the conversation with myself was beginning to deteriorate into a whining binge. It got so bad that I was talking to myself and telling myself to suck it up! I had told everyone I was fine and so get on with it Kimberly! So what do I do? I try to tackle the ping pong table by myself as well.

Did you know that ping pong tables could be possessed? This one was determined to dent, bang or gouge anything in sight (no it wasn't my driving!). To make it worst I was remembering a conversation I had a few days earlier with my co-hort on how every dent and gouge is a wound to the carpenter who made the place and that he comes by often to check the place out...sigh, he was going to be crying if this table had its way (....so was I to be honest).

I reached the stairs and at this point I have to say my pride lost. A ping pong table almost landing on top of you makes you re-evaluate life and I sort of like mine! No worries the tale ends well as I finally asked for help (yes there is hope for the stubborn dutch, we just need to be hit by a ping pong table!). My last item to go down was a metal rack for the janitors closet. I thought he was going to be ecstatic.....yah......nope.

"That won't fit"

That man obviuosly did not have any idea of how my morning had gone because I made that sucker fit in his janitorial room no problem. Do not mess with a very frustrated, tired female becuase you may find TP and bottles flying out of a room as she single handedly fits your shelving in. No worries alls well that ends well! Since that day I have stayed far away from the multi purpose room and its memories. I also realize that butterflies though fragile pack a killer janitorial closet!!!

Phoning Home

Phoning home is the best ever, you get to chat with your parents, gab about all the stuff going on and generally get an all round "feel good" feeling.

Today I phoned home, I got my father on the line and he sounded more than a wee bit stuffed up.

"Hey Dad how's it going?"

"Good", he says.

I ask "Do you have a cold? You sound a little stuffed up."

"Yah, I'm a little stuffy"

Now my father is sounding more than a little stuffy but he's joking with me so I make a crack about "Hey are you lying on my couch?"

"Your couch?" he says.

"Yah you know the green one!" I joke "I'm kidding dad its ok."

"No I'm not on the couch I'm in the kitchen" he says.

"In the kitchen? What are you doing there?"

"I'm making dinner"

I have to say the man must be sick if he was making dinner.

"What are you making?"

"Oh grilled cheese"

I have to laugh, ok this is still my dad the man who makes the best eggs, and grilled cheese may be his new favorite, who knows?

"So is mom home?"

A good question as my dad usually is not the dinner maker after work and if he is my mother is not home yet.

"Yah she's home, hold on"

"Hello"

SOOO now is the point where my dad's stuffy voice begins to make sense as the woman I am talking to has no Dutch accent and does not sound like my mom at all. Well I had to make sure, because hey I spend alot of time in the water and have been experiencing cold symptoms so maybe my ears were being funny.

"Hi mom, are you suffering from dad's cold as well?"

" Oh no, I was just washing the dog."

Time out, we don't have a dog anymore, this is not my mom, I am a total idiot and have been having a very friendly conversation with two total strangers. The scary part is that they didn't even question who I was. The green couch should have been a hint. What do I do? Its a little too late to say "oops wrong number"

So in the end what do I do? I pretend I am still their daughter is what I do (wouldn't you?)

"Oh I should probably let you go as it sounds like you guys are having dinner, bye, sorry."

"Ok bye"

I have to say if they have a daughter and she hung up that fast after talking to her mother only 1 minute, they may need to seek some counciling. Still I hope they don't have call display and that this sounded like a normal conversation to them...I do apologize oh unknown daughter who may get flack for the crazy conversation I just had with her parents.

SO what do I do after hanging up. Well I phone my real mom of course (don't worry I concentrated really hard on the numbers and prayed when I dialed!). Not to worry I was greeted by the dulcet tones of my mom and her accent (I love that accent by the way mom)

"Vell hello dere"

Yahoo jackpot I had the real thing. Again I have to say you don't know how precious something is until you phone the wrong number and converse with total strangers. I just have to say this blonde moment was definately brought to you by Bimbo!!! ( I can hear my cousin Cornell saying "you are such a Van Dop" Crappy thing is he's right...sigh)

What a Day!

Sunday, the day of rest right? Wrong...for us in The PORT it is the day of yelling at your neighbor at 7:30 in the morning about how much you think she is a @#%$#^%$#^&%$ but hey make sure the whole neighborhood hears because life isnot as much fun without everyone sharing in it. That was what greeted me knt he morning light right outside my window...sort of a WWF moment brought to you by my neighbor across the street and her girl friends up the road.

At first I thought "oh look who is that walking down the road, she looks so happy, she can't be screaming and oh how nice one of the elders is walking with her. Then she turned around and all @#$%^ jumped out of her mouth (man can she project). Who is she yelling at? Don't know but they must be coming fast because she takes off in a run into her house. Now two very interestingly dressed girls come down the road bellowing on how they were going to get her (I felt now was not the time topoint out that one of them could pull her jeans up but it was becoming a desperate situation). So now poor opa is trying ot convince them to go home as we (the neighborhood) have our noses pressed to the glass. Eventually they go home (probably ran out of air) but lo and behold out comes the original house hider ffrom across the street to say "I'm ready for you, blah, blah,blah" (yup she's a brave one!). Now it is a scene of who will run up the road and who will give chase. Anytime they chased her, she ran down the road yelling "yahoo!" and waving her hands in the air. Whalley has nothing on this raod. Dogs are going nuts and when all is quiet the good old RCMP detachment comes rolling in. Made me just want to say "Praise the Lord Its Sunday!" What a way to bring in the time before church, its bad to say but I felt a lot more holy after that scene. Bad Kim.

The day was not over yet because we had the time change and the pastor was out of town with the worship leaders. I got to church and there was only three of us sitting there before eleven o'clock. Viki (pastor's wife), Heather (organist) and Me. Luckily ten more people showed so we were not all alone. Have you heard of Hymnsing well it was Kimsing that morning (and unfortunately I didn't really know all the songs) but hey I have a big mouth and I know how to use it. I also got to do the children's message, I taught Chastitiy (yes the one child) the song "My God is So Big" with all the actions. Poor old people in the church were made to get up too and join in because heck if I'm going ot teach a song everybody is going ot sing (what a task master aye?). The service was great, Viki and Heather did a great job and who knows maybe we'll take it on the road.

My day ended with a great boat ride around where we live. It took a little time to get started as we had to drive all over town to pick up things we had forgotten (supposedly this meant we were on Indian time) but eventually we were on the sea. What an awesome feeling to be back on the water and we even got to see 7 sea otters swiming around (no whales but it will happen soon). The landscape around here is so beautiful, for that alone I can see why people live here. So what started as an interesting day in teh neighborhood ended in God's natural glory. Yay what a day!